February 2012
21 posts
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Encounter with Guard Dog
It’s happened to me a handful of times in this neighborhood, walking down India or up Norman or down Leonard. The door to a walk-up will open, and a man will appear on the stoop, holding the door for his girlfriend. The man looks over at me.
I would describe him as beflanneled and bespectacled. A young, wiry, intelligent fellow who slouches. He hasn’t shaved in a week. And there is...
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Hackensacked
With the window for later this week narrowing, I am confronted with two barriers, one geographical and the other behavioral.
The geography problem is that Hackensack is 16.8 miles away from the West Village. It’s about a 30-minute drive in good traffic. I need to be back in the city in two-and-a-half hours.
But I am at the mercy of my ride, and at the moment, that ride is pulling into the...
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Feng Shui on Franklin
On the other side of the carafe is a window that looks out onto 149 Franklin Street — which strikes me as odd because I’m sitting inside 180 Franklin. Why such a big gap between the numbers if it’s right across the street? I’ll figure it out another day.
For loners, this is a particularly bad table. To the right of the carafe is a round table framed by a corner booth. If...
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Mercenary Shift, Pt. 1
Technically I’m off the court during the winter season resting the pre-arthritic knee, but every now and then I will pimp out my services to the highest bidder. Every team in the rec league wants to win, of course. But nowadays you also get style points if you’ve got an Asian ringer on your team. Let’s just say demand is high.
What does the lucky bidder get? My current marketing...
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3 + 3 = 9
Since September I’ve had exactly three home-cooked meals in Brooklyn. The first was in Park Slope, and the second was in Prospect Heights. For the third, I am back at the same table — the same chair, even — where I had the first.
“Just something we threw together,” our host couple warns us.
The “something” turns out to be Persian rice with saffron and...
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Are U(ser)Xperienced?
Just got back from the mother ship after a two-day crash course in “product vision.” It’s a little like mad libs but delivered via PowerPoint:
FOR _______ (target for the product)
WHO _______, (user’s needs)
OUR PRODUCT IS _______ (the product category)
THAT _______. (major benefits, key functionalities)
UNLIKE _______, (current practice, competition)
OUR PRODUCT...
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The World According to Follower X
Recently I was led to a secret tumblr that belongs to someone I know but don’t see often. Let’s call her Follower X.
Follower X and I are “dashless” followers of one another; sometimes we’re tempted by the “+follow” link at the top right corner of the page, but we never pull the trigger. Our tumblr-selves choose not to mingle — no follows, no likes,...
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Hieroglyphic
这比它听起来更复杂…
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Postmark
Several months ago, one of my friends received an unsigned postcard from Seattle. She thought it might have come from me.
“I’ve never been to Seattle,” I told her.
“It kinda looked like your handwriting, though. Oh well…too bad I can’t show it to you.”
“What? You threw it out?”
“Well, yeah,” she said. “First of all, it...
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Be Rike Mike
A Jewish friend asks me, “This is kind of like the equivalent of a moon landing for you Asian guys, isn’t it?”
In a way, yes. But it’s a little more complicated than that. Sure, I watch and rewatch the highlights, but it’s not really about idol worship. It has more to do with empathy — this unwavering sense of how my story weaves into his, and the strange...
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Table of Incompletes
Exactly one full moon later, I am standing in a SXSE Asian restaurant and asking for a table. Unsuccessfully.
“We don’t seat incompletes,” the hostess tells me. “Do you want to wait for her by the bar?”
At the bar I see nothing but completes: couples and trios. One of the trios — two guys and a girl — is playing the may-the-best-man-win game. Both men...
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C-Town Mosey
I have no reason to stick around, but I do. Let me make up a reason: walking off the effects of a B2 from Xi’an Famous Foods. I could think of another reason, but I’d rather not write it down.
From Bayard Street I take a left on Bowery, head up to Delancey, and double back down Chrystie Street. When I used to visit New York from Boston, I would write postcards from a bench in...
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Six O'Clock, Chair Five
Gold-plated shears — I’ve never seen a pair of those before. I wonder if they were a gift. Will he use them, or are they just for show? I guess I’ll find out once he’s done using the clippers.
“I used to run a salon up there,” he says. He means upstate. “I had these two clients: a guy and his wife. And one day he comes in and says he’s got a whole...
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Short-Term Goals
“Every year we have Valentine Day decoration,” the waitress tells me, “because we have Valentine Day special.”
“Really? What’s the special?”
“You come here on Valentine Day with special girl and you will find out!”
Better cue the theme.
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